Well we’re getting at this a little late thanks to some technical issues but when is it not a good time for Mortal Kombat? If you said anytime after UMK3 but prior to last year’s MK9 well…yeah…but MKvsDC was pretty cool in its own way. We’re not here to focus on the series’ harder times though we’re here to talk about how its phoenix like return last year translates to Sony’s high-tech handheld. Lord knows the system is hurting for some good games so let’s see if this title is as much of a must buy here as it was on the big boy consoles.

You can actually activate X-ray attacks and Fatalities through the touch screen, optionally thank the Elder Gods.

Before we get into what’s been added let’s talk about the overall quality of this port from a technical point of view. First off the controls are exactly how you want them to be thanks to the VITA’s very nice clicky buttons. It seems a weird thing to praise, I know, but they let you know a button has been pressed properly so to speak and make kombos and special moves a breeze to pull off. The audio quality and the cutscenes in the story mode are also translated flawlessly but the visual quality of the gameplay was not. The character models are significantly less impressive than their console counterparts with far less detail, especially in the damage decals. While this was to be expected it is a bit more drastic than I thought it would be; it almost seems as though some assets might have been taken from a scrapped PSP version of the game or something along those lines. Thankfully for the most part you won’t notice it too much, only in story mode is it a major problem as the cutscenes retain the visual fidelity of the console versions. The way the game seamlessly moves between cutscene and gameplay, while still impressive, is now slightly jarring thanks to this visual inequity. Online multiplayer also returns in this version but if you have a WiFi model VITA (which the majority of the world does as I think only the US and Japan got the 3G option) you might as well not bother and just play the console version because at that point you’ll need to be near a friendly router to play reliably anyways. You can always play ad-hoc with someone nearby who also owns MK but it’s rare I meet someone with a VITA, let alone someone with the same games I have. All that said if you’re looking for online multiplayer fighting then this game on this system should be nowhere close to your first choice, what you’re coming here for is a ridiculous amount of super fun single player content.

I wasn't joking. See, Fruit Ninja with body parts.

For whatever technical problems there may be with the port quality of this game it can be all be forgiven when you take into account the sheer amount of content given here; I’d almost go so far as to say this was the definitive version of this game. Not only are all the DLC characters included but so is Kratos, all the preorder skins, a whole whack of new skins, and a whole second challenge tower (150 new missions) filled with VITA specific goodness. Also keep in mind that this game is $40 which is $10 cheaper than the “Komplete Edition” of this game for the consoles which actually has less content.than this version. The VITA specific additions while feeling a little gimmicky work quite well with the games violently goofy tone. Stuff like a balance game using the VITA’s tilt sensor and a Fruit Ninja parody involving body parts are weirdly fun. They even find ways to slip the controls into more standard fight style challenges in some kooky ways like keeping your character’s head from exploding by having to tap it repeatedly in between kombos. Pretty much everything feels like the devs having a lot of fun with the hardware and it never intrudes on the primary experience; it may be pointless gimmickry but it’s pointless gimmickry you can feel really good about.

In the end this is a fantastic version of an already fantastic game and while there certainly are a few pronounced problems, none of them take away from the core pleasures of NetherRealm’s tribute to insane stupid violence. All the extra content makes this the version to get in a lot of ways and the bite-sized gameplay of the challenge towers make it perfect for the commuter who’s not afraid of playing M-rated games on the bus. Add onto this the fact that VITA players need something, oh god anything, to play right now as releases have been rather lean and this becomes an incredibly attractive offer. That’s why I’m very happy to give Mortal Kombat (VITA Edition) a 5 out of 5 stars. While the graphics may not be at their best here, even on the small screen it remains a larger than life experience.

By the way as a bonus for all you loyal readers, here’s how to unlock a fun little easter egg in the game’s practice mode. At the character select screen press triangle to access the arena select and then at the arena select press both the shoulder buttons, you’ll know you’ve done it right when that dick Shao Kahn starts laughing.

I’ve never been to a dungeon in real life. I don’t think I have even been to a prison to be honest. If I had to be put in one or the other for crimes against humanity I would definitely choose dungeon.  Sure, the creature comforts of a prison aren’t there; you don’t get feed and the jailers are actively trying to kill you. But the upshot of dungeons is that they seem to always give you a pretty good chance of escaping. Especially if you are good at swinging swords, casting spells, and placing rocks on pressure pads.  Until the world reverts to feudalism or I become a terrorist against the USA I’m quite certain I won’t be put into a dungeon. So for now I will have to be content with the fantastic Legend of Grimrock for all my dungeon simulation needs.

Legend of Grimrock is a “Dungeon Master clone” (how long’s it been since you heard the “suchandsuch game” clone term?) The funny thing about that is the fact that Dungeon Master was released in 1987. After Dungeon Master came out, a slew of other “dungeon master clones” were released and the genre was outrageously popular. That was until the early 90′s when they suddenly stopped being made. I suspect the sudden cease of the genre has something to do with an Illuminati or lizard man conspiracy but details are scarce. For a more sane reasoning check out this blog post by Jeff Vogels, craftsmen of fine indie rpgs.

Some 25 years later Almost Human Ltd has dredged the “Dungeon Master clone” genre from the depths giving the first person, secret-button-pushing, scroll collecting, labyrinth dungeon navigating and one-direction-looking-at-a-time gameplay a fresh 3D rendered coat of paint. And let me tell you: it works a treat! When I first heard about Grimrock’s throw back dungeons I was intrigued but not convinced. I didn’t like the sound of looking for secret buttons on the wall and working out riddles. It sounded hard and slightly stale. But as it turns out I actually love it. There’s nothing more satisfying than trudging through the gloomy dungeons by torch light and hearing the click of a lever and the sudden rolling thunder of stone grinding against stone as a secret alcove reveals itself.

"Hello darkness my old friend"

The aforementioned “fresh 3d rendered coat of paint” really does a superb job of creating an atmospheric dungeon. The lighting effects are a standout, there’s a definite and palpable feeling of darkness oppressing you as your party’s torch lights up only a few spaces around you. The flickering of shadows from torches and the mesmerising glow of health crystals are very nice too. Although there isn’t an abundance of different enemy types each is perfectly animated as it stalks through the dungeons and slashes at your party. Again there isn’t a huge amount of variety, but all the little details like switches and chains all look almost real.

Another great thing about the graphics is that everything is so BIG. The walls are big, the doors are big, the levers and chains are big, as are the monsters. True to Dungeon Master, you can only face one of four directions at one time (but you can use the mouse to freelook) and whatever direction you face will normally be dominated by one thing. It’s all part of the throwback game design but I found the style really helped to draw me into the Grimrock’s dungeons. It also helped when searching for those secret buttons.

"I am the slime oozing out from your TV set"

The other thing drawing me deep into Grimrock’s dungeons is the sound design. I said before how satisfying it is opening up a secret passageway, this is helped to no end by the gratifying click and rumble that goes with it. The ominous groaning of the mountain caving in some where and the eerie sound track make traveling Grimrock a very atmospheric experience.

Half of the game’s challenge is the puzzles, involving pressure plates, teleporting, and torch placement. The other half is straight up combat with the dungeons denizens. For those not playing video games in the early 90′s the concept of four PC’s crammed into the same square (and also all sharing the same set of eyes) is probably a bit alien. As is movement in a first person game being restricted to a grid. But once you get used to it it’s easy to see why it was used in so many RPGs in the days of yore. A cool feature is using a pad of runes to cast magic, using different combinations for different spells. A tip for beginners: don’t be like me and just stand in front of enemies and hit them till they are dead. Use movement to dodge attacks and use the grid based movement to your advantage.

"Roar Roar like a dungeon dragon"

My only complaint about Grimrock is that some of the elements feel overused both gameplay and art wise. I would have loved to have seen a little more variety in the settings, even just some different wall textures here and there. Most of the levels will have a very similar feel throughout the entire game and by the end of the game most of the puzzles are very samey.

I found Legend of Grimrock instantly engrossing. It’s a delightful revival of a long dormant but cherished genre. Although you will see a lot of repeating elements, everything is of a high quality and just feels right to play. “Feels right” probably isn’t the most eloquent way of expressing why you should play a game but Grimrock has a lovely tactile quality to it from pulling chains, throwing stones, and picking up spluttering torches. I think it will be a thrill for gaming veterans who were around when “Dungeon Master clones” reigned king and even those not even born at the time may find new a love here. The final word here is that Legend of Grimrock is getting 4 out of 5 stars.

Super Mario Bros (Special): +8 Worlds, +25% Bottomless Pits, Average Difficulty

It has come to my attention that games are getting less and less descriptive elements through their reviews and that many titles are being pushed for ones of a far greater quality in storytelling and gameplay, this means a new system must be devised. From my experience, taking inspirations from gaming itself has proven a successful strategy. As such, the popularity of World or Warcraft and the Diablo series has led to a reformatting of the ratings system to one of quality and succinct positives and negatives for all game enthusiasts. The quality system will rate and describe games in quick and interesting ways so that gamers and their friends can improve their reputation and respect with their peers while providing a greater knowledge about the game itself. Let’s explore them one-by-one.

Normal Quality: (Normal and Gray)

The most numerous and easily the most average to below average of the library, these games will at least pique interest and provide some measure of Enjoyment as technology improves. While there is nothing that allows the game to stand out on its own, it can be improved in that regard by acquiring downloadable content or different add-ons to improve the enjoyment and provide other qualities like increased innovation or a increased percentage of interest through Action Commands. Normal quality games are more likely to have these ‘socketed’ attribute slots since the designers felt the game would need improvement later on, but there are also buggy games and ones with a boring story and confusingly disadvantageous gameplay where the quality is lessened further. I would harbor no reservations of improving these games from their dismal attributes and ignore them entirely.

A good example of some normal quality games would be the wave of platformers from the eighties and nineties. Bubsy and Claymates certainly had a high range of interest but nothing special that other games had yet to do. In modern times, Final Fantasy XIII and Modern Warfare are a bit more liked than the games of the past, but the fact remains that they do not stand out. Examples of wasting space like Carnival Games and Two Worlds are due to their many bugs and poor elements like Aero the Acrobat and Drekken before them. It is a real shame when a higher quality game like Actraiser produces such a lackluster sequel. If only it had maintained the +50% Genre Shift attribute the original game possessed.

Special Quality (Blue)

 This level improves upon the normal by certain aspects that would either make the game more interesting on a general scale or do something somewhat unique to stand out. A number of attributes are associated with such  games and are applied to improve their natural capabilities. As an immediate example, Rayman is a game with +12% Visual Style and +6 Innovation. While many games might carry similar attributes such as Crash Bandicoot and Shadow of the Colossus, those games have their own unique flair and charm like Crash’s +100 Critical Collectables and the omnipresent +30% Epic Boss Battles from the towering action game. However, be warned: not all attributes are useful in determining the amount of fun you can receive from a game or its ability to cause the player grief, as the High Difficulty of Rayman is rather omnipresent.

That being said, a Special game is made more engaging by the attributes it brings to the table as well as a vibrant increase to the level of enjoyment represented numerically by a percentage factor. Of course, using this ratings system allows enjoyment to be measured with an arbitrary set of increasing numbers.

Rare Quality (Yellow)

Gunstar Heroes (Rare): -30% Game Length, +125% Speed, Quick Weapon Change Recovery, +10 Explosions

A rare game is well-known for two things; greater attributes that extoll the game’s virtues as an enjoyable piece of gameplay and a number of unique flaws which serve to set it apart. One such example is the cult shooter classic Time Crisis, which bears the burden of the infamous -40% Storyline Depth which has been the killer of other titles. Alongside a 12% Greater Chance of Replay in regard to its Moderate Difficulty, the game’s major flaw is a -50% Hitbox which makes the experience feel cheapened by a cheating game, but it is still quite playable. While this is counterbalanced by a +1 Footstep Button cradled as marketable tactical gun combat, it is still quite the pain.

A Rare game will also have far more attributes than your average special quality game and use them more effectively to create a unique experience. Both the positives and the negatives balanced into a game of higher quality than a Special one. However, most of these games are also seen as genre classics where the detractions would appeal with a target demographic “class” of gamer. For example, The Elder Scrolls 3: Morrowind comes with a +2000% Exploration Bonus and the glaringly steep and detracting Static Spriting and Low-Grade Design attributes. And yet, it still managed to be one of the highest-selling role-playing games for the PC. Some other notable examples include Fallout 3 for its new changes but still being a learning title and Unreal Tournament for a large number of replayability attributes such as +5 Game Modes and 64-Man Multiplayer with a boring, but understandable Multiplayer-Centric Gameplay.

Set Quality (Green)

Made even more rare by its use by a very limited group of followers who enjoy similar aspects to a genre with even more fervency than Rare games, a Set game is a Special one that holds itself to the same standards of quality but has other attributes to consider when they are played or considered all-together. Most sets have three games in their order, but you can have as many as eight in the same set which provides a furious meta-attribute storm. Two of the most well-known are the Robot Rebellion and Maverick Rebellion sets which consist of the nine Megaman games and the initial five Megaman X games. Having three of either group would nearly double the enjoyment through a +75% Implied Continuity linked with a x3 Enjoyment from Winning, while having all five X games provide a very unique bonus: a +1 Extra Story: Human and Robot Co-Existence.

Set games generally are sequels and continuations to other games to achieve a full story such as the Mass Effect set and the Throne of Bhaal (Baldur’s Gate, Baldur’s Gate 2, and the Throne of Bhaal expansion) set. However, spiritual sequels such as those in the Fantastic Survival set include Dungeon Hack, System Shock 2, and Bioshock while the first System Shock holds far better on its own.

Unique Quality (Gold)

Sweet Home (Unique): +14 Scary Monsters, +30% Bloody Corpses, Permanent Death, -40% Inventory Space, +1 Crazy Mother

Where the game tends to be fully against genre and convention with a level of quality far and beyond the norm are truly a unique experience by which others pay attention and are judged against. Taking a premise and running with it far and wide in colorful and interesting ways is a indicator of this level and can even draw players from outside their genre interests into playing the game. For instance, Chrono Trigger broke the ground around the role-playing genre when it was released through an emotionally-provocative storyline and stunning visual and musical representation. +12 Game Endings and +100% Incomprehensibility were only small fare compared to the building of the Support Attack Element brought into its gameplay. It made you feel emotionally for a robot, after all.

Some games simply do this unique level of interest and quality through the visuals or gameplay alone, such as Braid or the well-received Beyond Good and Evil. Others do so by changing the way the genre works entirely, like Portal. And some other games are simply a storytelling experience that should be seen to be believed like Snatcher.

This is all in honor of Diablo 3, I am looking forward to it and to more conventional use of the loot mechanic known by the series. It seems to translate to game rating just as well and will lead to new appreciation of games and their quality at large. 

[UPDATE: A winner has been chosen and they have been sent their code. Thanks to everyone for participating!]

Alright today is the day that Blizzard releases its latest drain on world progress with Diablo III! We’re so damn excited about it we’re covering it in every way we can. We have a Heads Up which will be up later today, a full review later this week, a fun feature piece going up tomorrow, our first ever podcast in which we’ll go into the game at length coming in a couple of weeks. Most important though, with a huge thanks to the fine folks at Blizzard for providing it, we’re giving away a full copy to one lucky SOB. The way to enter is dead simple, just leave a comment on this article telling us your favorite Diablo II memory and my favorite one will get that free copy. Entries will be cut off at 11:59pm Pacific time on Thursday May 17th and the winner will be emailed a Game Key and redemption instructions the next day. So get to reminiscing and be sure to follow our Diablo III coverage as it comes out while feverishly stocking your gaming den with the necessary junk foods and sodas needed to surmount the game itself.