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Mar 05 2013

The Most Blatant Xenomorph Rip-offs in Videogames

alien4My, how the most deadly extraterrestrial to catch the silver screen has had such an illustrious career debuting and inspiring others to create deadly psychopathic monsters from beyond the stars. The acid-bleeders are got a whole new game for themselves released by Sega and Gearbox last month, so it’s fair to say that more humans are going to die and a lot of “Game Over, Man” jokes will be made before the day is through. But this isn’t about their sleek black bodies and iron-gnashing teeth. This is about the imposters.

Oh yes, the creatures with the sheer level of humanoid-equse balls to share the spotlight with the mass murderer of the space-faring age. Some of them get away with it because their method of transport is so deadly and shocking you can’t help but run for the hills.  But others are pale imitations of a threat that could barely stand against the might of the alien scourge.  Think of this as a guide to warn incoming players and remind of them of the sleek, fast threat that comes from your movies and games, and did it first and before it was cool. Not that being ‘cool’ matters when you have a baby burst through your chest. Let’s break it down.

Zerg (Starcraft)

Presented for your approval: The fanbase's rage after the failure of movie-based AVP.

The fanbase’s rage after the failure of movie-based AVP.

The aforementioned asteroid-riders are the badass swarm from beyond the stars. Acid-spitters, hundreds of charging insectoid swarmers, the hatching of eggs…everything we’re used to from the threat we know and love is there.  What makes these creatures particularly terrifying is their capacity to learn much like the Xenomorph and to make others into their own. Psychics, exploding humans, Protoss hybrid monstrosities and more. It’s the best kind of freak show; cunning, intelligent and one hell of a thing for a farmer to find in his yard after he got his shotgun.

It helps that these creatures are, on the whole, rather simple-minded in their attack strength.  Charge forward in blitzkrieg and succeed is the usual plan of attack. And if they don’t charge, they’ll burrow underground. Luckily, the military of the future also has no qualms firing miniature nukes at the standing populace without any inclination or care as to the friendly fire in the slightest. Morals become suspect when you apply the radiation card in carved metal weight format fired by a psychic.

Necromorphs (Dead Space)

necromorph_analysis__slasher_by_chaoscontrol177-d5d60ctNow we’re getting into the wannabes. You have a biomass material which has engulfed and in some cases eaten the populace of what amounts to a garbage disposal of a star cruiser meant to rip apart planets en mass, and what do they do? Pester and wave their arms menacingly as they expose their weak points to a space mechanic and janitor. How lame can you get? But wait, it gets better!

Seems these creatures are one step further from mad and completely incapable of reason, which I find completely ironic since these disgusting freaks aren’t actually aliens with multiple limbs, but fleshy humans turned into something that resembles a skeletal frame fused with silly putty. And of course, they run around in vent shafts and think as one unit as any hope of their unique nature is trashed from the thinkpan of Ridley Scott. At least they can claim to be an all-powerful biological weapon derived by aliens which fell to Earth. We just happened to be dumb enough to accept the con and make more of them. Humans: The universes’ most frighteningly clever and downright stupid species on two legs.

Hybrids (System Shock 2)

Pathetic hacker....as if you could stand to walk without a worm in your skull. Enjoy my strawberry jam!

Pathetic hacker….as if you could stand to walk without a worm in your skull.

And the irony continues! Humans create the incredibly-intelligent and self-aware freak of nature that is that artificial intelligence known as Shodan and then she creates an organism that makes an infection that can spread and cause consistent insanity and loss of intelligence. Only the unity, an amalgamation of sentient beings that comes across through psionic force, are what its victims care about. All they know is to breed and multiply in opposition to their mother’s schemes so as to destroy her wayward children. They know not what the purpose is, but only to thrive and exist..and due to the events that took place upon the Von Braun-as my colleague Halfbeard is currently experiencing first hand-it’s best not to think about what would have happened if there was some sort of ambition behind it.

And they realize the extent of their threat too. Anything that is not part of the unity must be cleansed or brought into the fold, either by a very heavy pipe or a nearly-broken shotgun to the face. Of course, they could just cut out the middleman and sic worms that burrow into your skin and rip out your insides. Or the bugs can do that, and you can’t kill them. Sure, it had all been done before that point by the acid-veined bastards…but they can’t say they were born by a sadistic computer program hell-bent on domination over humanity, now can they? All they’ve got to their name is a crappy prequel with decent special effects.

The  “totally not copyright infringing aliens” (Alien Breed)

Oh, dude, look out-Hahahahahah. Hey buddy, wanna banana-hey where'd the dude go?

Oh, dude, look out-Hahahahahah. Hey buddy, wanna banana-hey where’d the dude go?

And this, my friends, is the art of the ripoff at its finest. Just so we don’t ignore the UK crowd that loves this series, Alien Breed is a top-down shooter meant to remind you that everyone had their own original idea for crawlers in a space-station. With absolutely no sense of pride or detraction of likeness, these creatures are large and freakish but also climb through air vents and tunnels to reach the player. But the sleek black look and their incredible speed in no way resembles Scott’s version of Xenomorphs, most definitely not.

What’s that, I hear in the background? They have fur? Oh, well that’s even better, now instead of the sleek, stylistic creatures that can rip out your larynx without a second thought, we have those things. But now they are howler monkeys at the same time. Deadly and annoying? Are we sure this game wasn’t made by Mojang or Konami? The only thing I like about it is the jaw; Its like someone took the facial structure of a wolf and put a great white’s mandibles in there. That is actually quite terrifying..and interestingly enough, makes me think it will laugh like a coyote while it flays me apart.

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