And still, the adventure continues….Its as if *Glasses.* The world refused to change. *YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!*
So, we’re now living in 2012. I think we can say that it is likely that people and circumstances have changed so that street fighters in ginny-tees and baggy jeans are probably in need of some context to fight effectively. Billy and Jimmy-young adults with a competitive streak and their whole world ahead of them-had much to overcome as poor, sweet Maria was kidnapped by gang members twice to serve as ransom and to menace a helpless human being for laughs.
But times have changed; Maria now carries a taser and, while married to Billy, has an important network of clients through her civic case firm. The gang is either in jail or are suffering major injuries from the martial artist as well as deep-seated psychological trauma about barrels. And Abobo has his own game! With a new Double Dragon game in the works, what is left for the brothers to fight? What reason and motive would bring them against the endless waves of barely capable mooks? Let’s take a look at some motivations which would bring them to a cause of arms…just without their allies from Double Dragon 3. I’m pretty sure a midget with a dagger would not be really that useful.
Long Lost Brother Bimmy
The ever-elusive Bimmy. Look at that blank expression. Clearly the sign of a deranged young man off his relaxant medication.
Every family has a number of skeletons in their closet. For the Lee family, their skeleton is a muscle-bound, special black sheep left in the attic known as Bimmy. We saw only a small glimpse of him during the second game to save his brother Billy from certain death….but it’s possible he was saving him for himself. After all, years of parental neglect and hushed whispers can lead to a special kind of resentment only reserved for a B-Horror movie.
The action genre needs a sympathetic villain who is handi-capable. The closest we’ve ever had was Dr. Wily and his need for a cane, followed by Dynamite Heady; most medical records would agree that losing one’s head is not meant to be literal. So, Bimmy and his cadre of developmentally disabled martial artists could swear vengeance against the realm of ‘normals’. The ending could even be heart wrenching as Jimmy has no choice but to bludgeon his brother with a pipe. Truly, a dramatic battle for the ages.
Stolen Boom Box
Billy and Jimmy were children of the eighties into the early nineties, so they knew the importance of being cool. Being cool in that era was taking one’s ghetto-blaster outside in your hands and following the legendary Nintendo adage: ‘Play It Loud.’ This sparked a lot of controversy in the early nineties during the 16-bit era, as children thought that blasting the sound by turning the volume up as high as it could go and blowing their parents’ ear drums would unlock something special.
So a group of thugs decide they do not deserve their access to their music and steal it, which would incite the boys to furious anger and bring down the hammer that is their fists. Of course, Maria would make a reluctant cameo with her eyes rolled in complete confusion and dismissal in the stage transition. Hell, the boys could even call in some help from their fellow victim of circumstance, DJ Boy. Then the brothers could put on roller-skates like their fellow fighter and glide about the city streets, kicking ass on wheels with extreme martial arts. It’ll be like the nineties all over again!
Evil Universal Studios
And now for their most sinister ploy for Double Dragon 2012…I present to you the director: Uwe Boll! Hahahahhahaahahhha!
Let’s be honest here: Video games adapted for the sliver screen have never done all that well. Perhaps in the eyes of fans and people looking for a good laugh, but we’re not talking engaging material here. The engaging part comes from the game having something interesting to do or say or interact with which drives the whole of the plot. On that note, and with some genre-savvy in the script on the part of a good director or designer, the Lee brothers may realize that their reputation could be at stake thanks to Universal movie based off their exploits of girlfriend-rescuing and shirtless unarmed combat. They personally feel that there’s a lot of nuance to be had when you can pull a punch enough to only knock out a specific amount of teeth.
So they’ll make their fists heard as well as their voices by walking through corporate offices, studio lots and even theme parks to take revenge for this movie ever being made. However, Universal may just be the most powerful enemy they’ve ever faced. You’ve got stunt-men, martial art choreographers analysts, a special effects budget and hundreds of interns for the right kind of kamikaze soldier…and there’s always the dreaded security guard. For you see, these men will have weapons that are truly the match of the players of Double Dragon: Guns. What good was fancy martial arts to Harrison Ford? Absolutely nothing.
