Strap down the blouse, style your hair into the most freakishly spiked thing imaginable with a designer suit worth more than the amount of words of this article, and you’ve got yourself a craze. Yes, fashion has completely controlled the culture of high-schoolers, bored mothers and even the intestines of some very pampered poodles over the last fifteen years. To the shock and awe of myself and the many designers that cover this great world of ours, players of video games don’t care so much. A good flannel shirt and pajama pants of any form or novelty will serve their hobby at the home, while a simple nostalgic jean ensemble not too tight for the waist and a couple of T-shirts and turtlenecks will serve during late summer months.
A travesty, I say! I look to you, designers of the world; it is more than possible for you to appeal your designing demographic to those who stare at a screen with a remote in their hand. You have to understand; most gamers are also being fed design choices of silicon, sound and music meant to astound the eye and wow the player with their flair for digital fashion. Three fashion designers with great appeal in the digital and the fabric realms have caught this discerning eye, and I’ll make my suggestions in the most fabulous way possible. Just kidding; let’s break it down.
Abercrombie and Fitch: Rhythm Game
When you visit the site, you learn how A&E has their own playlist of music. Lots of new-agey soft rock that’s easy to listen to and makes you seem all the more laid-back. This kind of music fits easily into independently animated shorts with an interface similar to Elite Beat Agents. You follow a poor shlub’s life through his mediocrity of emotion and fashion. The closer you hit the buttons to the beat the better this poor shmuck feels and the better his life becomes.
Each character would have their own story to tell as they truly distinguish themselves as unique and wholly sure of themselves as they proceed to be awesome individuals. An important gameplay element could refer to their sense of self literally changing the gameplay of the rhythm aspect from pushing buttons to pressing arrow keys or tracing a line upon another, all in-sync with the music. And what better way for gamers to show their cred and appreciation for the finer things than by unlocking new ‘identities’ as the game progresses. Also an excellent move for downloadable content.
Converse – Jump and Run ‘Parkour’ Platformer
I’m sure the obvious choice running through everyone’s head was likely a basketball title, but that tends to be Nike’s field of expertise. After all, when you start claiming that your shoe is where the extent of your player’s skill at the game comes from, you tend to have that reputation. Converse should instead do the more intensive sport involving extreme running. Parkour, plain and simple, takes the idea of exploration and quick movement to shuffle and twist about the world. A video game of that hobby established by Converse would give an open world of basic exploration in a free-forming manner. You don’t even need an outrageous story with action like Mirror’s Edge or Infamous; just get some guys in designer sneakers running on top of buildings set to some new-age rock.
Where the game could pick up is unlockable shoes found within the level that improve your ability to run and jump. While the game certainly does not need the assistance of the fantastical, it would not surprise me that gamers would squeal at this game if they found an unlockable feature to double jump or perhaps the ability to run along walls and change gravity? It’s a game; marketing campaigns in the nineties for clothes did far more ludicrous ideas than this.
Eddie Bauer – Lumberjack Fighting Game
Nothing screams a side-scrolling fighter better than a lumberjack with a woodcutter’s axe. The best situation comes down to chopping down trees like a man while beards rule the day. So, Eddie Bauer proves the rule by pitting their titular logger against the world. Wild mutant beavers, kung-fu trained government regulatory committees for the environment, bears? Honestly the plot can write itself.
In fact, I think most people wouldn’t even have a problem with a base plot if they could go run around in designer overalls and felt shirts and wreck face with a woodcutter’s axe. Let the lumberjack’s girlfriend get kidnapped by evil hippies, or professional loggers could cut down his favorite tree. While all of those ideas are ones I could personally attest to drawing me in with other action games, I am fond of the quest for an item of great worth to the order of woodcutters. After all, what kind of lumberjack could call himself professional without a golden-trimmed trapper hat? No one, that’s who.